I have spoken to and and gotten emails from so many people all wondering about basically the same thing.
People are tired, exhausted even. There is no enthusiasm for anything, even the things that they used to feel so excited about.
Physical, mental and emotional and spiritual bodies are out of whack. The physical symptoms can include sinus, throat, and ear problems, headaches, weird pains that seem to come and go for no reason, sometimes it feels like the pain is swimming around in your body. Digestion is off, uncomfortable, too fast or too slow. And appetite is skewed, things that used to taste good don’t taste so good any more. There can be body aches, fevers and flu like symptoms, and of course just being really, really tired. Vision is variable, sometimes being quite blurry.
Mental symptoms include either unable to even think or getting lost in mental loops. Keeping track of time is challenging and so is doing anything that requires an sharp left brain. It is much easier to distract ourselves and to just sit and stare at the sky, the television, a book or the wall. Those little things that used to give you pleasure just don’t do it anymore.
Emotions are running rampant. Apathy, hopelessness, despair, sadness and a feeling of being totally empty and stuck. Alternately, you might be feeling really frustrated. It’s like long term PMS, you just want people to leave you alone and take care of their own problems. (People can be so annoying.) You might feel loss of interest in your work, your hobbies, your friends and even the whole planet. Just brushing your teeth (again!) seems like such a chore, and so stupid. Why bother, it’s all illusion anyway.
When emotions are running high it is difficult to maintain your connection with spirit. It’s like the emotions have filled you up, over your eyes and ears so you can’t see or hear clearly and there’s no room for new information. Have you noticed that when you are most miserable, afraid or sad that when you call on spirit for guidance you get nothing?
What is going on here? We’re getting so close to 2012 and we were promised that things would get better. But right now I don’t give a damn about any of that, I just want to sleep.
It’s like every cell, every molecule, every atom is going through major transformation. And it’s stressful! Imagine an acorn. It’s been in it’s seed shape for a long time, waiting to express its potential and become a great oak tree. But now the conditions require that it starts the transformation. This process is stressful. Chemical changes happen inside, creating pressure on the seed shell. This pressure builds and builds while the moist environment softens the shell, making it weaker. Eventually, the shell splits and the tender, vulnerable sprout begins to emerge.
Think about what that would feel like to the seed. Its protective shell is getting weak and breaking apart. The tender inner parts, once so safe and protected, are now being exposed to an unknown environment. This is something that the seed has never experienced before and it doesn’t know what will happen in the end.
This is what is happening on a cellular level within our bodies. Not that we are becoming trees! It’s a metaphor. This is the stress that we are feeling in our bodies and it is using a lot of energy. Most of you have been living on will power alone, making yourself do the things that you must.
And at the same time a powerful spiritual transformation is going on. The energetic connections between the new reality and the old reality are disconnecting. All the things that defined you in the old reality are falling away. Those things include your roles (daughter, son, mother, father, etc.) your dreams and the ways that you manifest your dreams. You have already let go of so many things. It can feel like chunks of you have been chiseled away. Now, at the end of the process it is necessary to release even those things that you have loved the most. These are things in your life, like your spiritual work, creative interests and also things that make up your very self.
We all have ways that we define our selves. The things that we like, what we don’t care about or dislike. We take it for granted that this is who we are. We have all had dreams about the future, perhaps to open a healing center, or write a book or live in a community and grow your own food. Many of these things are what we really like or love about ourselves. Right now we are revisiting these definitions and dreams. Do we still desire the same things? Is it appropriate to take these into the new reality or are they based too much on the old energy?
Here are some examples:
One woman always wanted to have a healing practice. She had studied many modalities and finally started to work with clients. The work was not fun anymore. It was not satisfying or even interesting.
I spoke to a man who has had a regular yoga practice for many years. It has been very important to him for many reasons. Now he doesn’t feel like going to class anymore.
I have always loved plants. My mom was a landscape architect and an organic farmer. I was raised to work in the garden and care for the plants. I have always had a “green thumb” and if I couldn’t have my own garden, at least I always had lots of houseplants. This was something that I really liked about myself. Recently I felt that all those plants were nothing more than more responsibility, just more things that I had to take care of. The joy and love was completely gone.
This is definitely not a comfortable process. There’s a little voice in your head that says, “If I surrender to this then everything will be lost and I will never feel hopeful or creative again. ” There is a fear that we will never get out of the void. What I have discovered is that the opposite is true. What is required is to embrace the void. Let yourself feel the hopelessness, apathy and fear. Spend some time there experiencing the intensity. Do not take any action yet. I had a thought that I would throw all the (stupid, needy) houseplants into the trash and be done with it. Luckily, I decided to wait it out. (Or maybe that just seemed like too much work.)
A few days later I noticed an orchid in a pot by my driveway. It’s blooms had just fully opened and I paused for a moment to appreciate the beauty. It made me feel good and grateful. It seems that I did not loose forever my love of plants. Now, instead of this definition being unconscious, based on my childhood and habit, it was a choice.
We can not live in physical reality without any definitions. In order for something to be manifested it must have some definition. What is going on now is that we are being giving the opportunity to look at how we have defined ourselves, see what it feels like to not have those definitions and to choose what we want to take with us into the new reality.
When you combine the re-defining process with the transformation of the physical body you have a potent mix. And yes, the two are related. So be very patient and gentle with yourself. Don’t try to fight it. As I read the energy, we have no more than a couple more weeks of intense void time.
Focus on the little things that give you pleasure, whether it’s a flower, some awesome cloud formations or a hug from someone you love. Soon things will start to light up again. Trust in the process.